A Pediatrician’s Guide to Healthier Screen Habits at Home

Screens are woven into nearly every part of kids’ and teens’ lives today, from homework and sports schedules to friendships and downtime, which can make it hard for parents to know what “healthy” screen use actually looks like. Many families find themselves stuck in the middle, worrying they’re either being too strict or not setting enough boundaries, while everyday conversations about phones and devices quickly turn into power struggles.

In an interview with The Educated Patient, Lauren Hartman, M.D., a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist, breaks down a more realistic and compassionate approach to screen time. Rather than focusing on rigid time limits, she shares practical, relationship-centered strategies that support sleep, mood and attention while helping parents keep trust and connection intact. Her advice emphasizes collaboration, clear expectations and leading by example, so screen-time conversations feel less combative and more doable for the whole family.

Many parents worry they’re being either too strict or too lenient with screens. From your perspective, what does “healthy screen use” actually look like for kids and teens today?

Lauren Hartman, M.D.: It’s so hard to put a number on it in terms of time spent on a screen because so much of kids’ worlds revolves around screens, whether that’s checking sports schedules, completing school assignments or staying connected with friends. But there are some general guidelines I’d recommend to all parents, kids and teens.

First, get the screens out of the bedroom overnight, and get off screens at least one hour before bedtime. That alone is critical to help with sleep and well-being. I also recommend that families keep screens off during mealtimes to allow for conversations and connection. Finally, we want to be sure that screens aren’t taking the place of important activities like school, sports, getting outside and playing with friends.

Why do conversations about screen time so often turn into power struggles? What’s usually going wrong, and how can parents approach these talks differently?

LH: First, if parents aren’t modeling the changes they’re hoping to see in their children, it creates a double standard. For example, if parents are scrolling through their phone all day, they can’t expect their kids to do something different. I’d suggest parents start with themselves, limiting phone use at meals, in the evenings and during times of connection.

Second, I’d recommend making clear rules about screens that apply to the whole family. For example: "You can’t play video games during the school week, but you can on weekends for three hours a day." That way, there are clear expectations everyone understands.

You emphasize speaking in ways kids actually hear. What language or framing helps children feel less defensive and more open during screen-time discussions?

LH: It always helps to listen first. Hear your kids out about how they’re feeling with screens and how they think it’s going. Then, if a change is being implemented, such as decreasing screen time, validate how hard this must be for them. They’ve gotten used to their routines, and change is hard. Make sure they know you’re listening.

Then you can say, “We’re going to try to make this change. Let’s try it for one month and see how it goes.” Framing it as an experiment rather than a permanent punishment makes it feel more collaborative.

Screens can affect mood, attention and sleep — but those connections aren’t always obvious to kids. How can parents explain these impacts in age-appropriate, non-scary ways?

LH: It depends on the age of the child. For younger kids (elementary school age), I suggest pointing out what you’ve noticed in them, so they know you aren’t trying to scare them, you’re trying to protect them. “Have you noticed how hard it is to fall asleep after watching videos right before bed? That’s because screens make bright light that tells your brain it’s daytime.” Or “Remember how cranky you felt after that long video game session? Sometimes our brains get tired from screens in a different way than our bodies do.”

For preteens and teens, frame it around their goals: “You know how you want to make the soccer team? Sleep is when your body gets stronger and your brain remembers what you practiced. Screens before bed can steal some of that.”

It’s also important to acknowledge the real benefits of screen time while discussing trade-offs: “I know your friends are all online at night, and that’s where your social life happens. Let’s figure out how you can stay connected without it affecting your sleep and mood the next day.”

For families trying to set limits, what are some boundary-setting strategies that tend to stick without damaging trust or connection?

LH: Focus on the “why” that matters to them. Connect limits to their goals: “You mentioned feeling tired at practice. Do you want to try putting your phone away an hour earlier for a week and see if it helps?” Or “I noticed you seemed stressed about not finishing your project. What if we tried a homework zone without phones and see if it’s easier to focus?”

Consider co-creating the rules. I’ve had some families find that co-creating rules makes them much more likely to be followed. One family I know let their teen propose the rules first, then parents added their concerns. They met in the middle. The teen felt heard, parents got reasonable limits, and it felt collaborative rather than combative.

Lead by example. This is the hardest one. If parents are scrolling during dinner or checking phones during conversations, kids see the double standard immediately. When parents follow the same boundaries, it becomes about family values rather than arbitrary control.

Finally, if parents take away just one message, what mindset shift can help reduce stress and make screen-time conversations feel more collaborative and less combative?

LH: Parents need to model it themselves. That means prioritizing sleep, getting outside, connecting with friends and reading books, as opposed to doomscrolling all day. When parents do it themselves, screen time becomes a shared family value rather than a rule imposed from above. Kids are much more willing to make changes when they see their parents making the same efforts.