How Parents Can Prioritize Mental Health This Back-to-School Season

Tess Quesenberry, PA

Credit: Coastal Detox of Southern California

Back-to-school season is often seen as a time of excitement for kids, filled with new classrooms, friends and opportunities. But for parents, it can stir up a whirlwind of emotions — from anxiety and sadness to pride and even guilt. Tess Quesenberry, PA, of Coastal Detox of Southern California, explains why this transition can feel so intense for parents, how to recognize “back-to-school blues” and empty nest feelings, and what healthy coping strategies can help families move forward with balance and resilience.

Back-to-school season is usually focused on kids — why is it also such an emotional time for parents?

Tess Quesenberry, PA: Back-to-school season can be an emotional whirlwind for parents, and it goes far beyond the simple logistics of new routines and school supplies. While it’s a time of new beginnings and pride in a child’s growth, it’s also a period of significant change that triggers a complex mix of emotions, including anxiety, sadness and stress.

While it’s most often associated with children, parents can also experience separation anxiety. After spending a summer with their children, the thought of being apart for a full school day can be difficult. Each school year is a milestone and a reminder that a child is growing up and becoming more independent. This can be bittersweet. Parents may feel a sense of loss for the carefree days of summer and for the younger version of their child who was more dependent on them. This is especially true for parents of children entering a new phase of life, such as kindergarten, middle school or high school.

Parents feel immense pressure to ensure their child’s success and happiness. This includes making sure their child is well-adjusted, performing well academically, and thriving socially. When a child struggles, parents often feel a sense of responsibility or guilt, which can contribute to their own anxiety and stress.

What are some simple, healthy ways parents can manage the “back-to-school blues”?

TQ: Navigating the “back-to-school blues” requires parents to be proactive about their own emotional well-being, as their feelings directly impact their children. A balanced approach that focuses on both practical preparations and emotional self-care can make a significant difference.

• Create a routine: A consistent, predictable schedule can reduce stress for the entire family. Work with your children to establish a routine for mornings, homework and evenings. This gives everyone a sense of control and predictability. The simple act of preparing can alleviate stress. Have your kids lay out their clothes the night before, pack lunches in the evening, and create a designated spot for backpacks and school items.
• Carve out “me time”: Even short periods of time dedicated to yourself can have a big impact. This could be as simple as having a quiet cup of coffee in the morning before your kids wake up, listening to a podcast on your commute or taking a few minutes to read after they’re in bed.

What resources or support systems should parents consider — whether that’s therapy, support groups or community activities?

TQ: Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of the back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Parents can benefit immensely from a variety of resources and support systems that offer practical advice and emotional validation. These systems range from professional mental health services to peer-led community groups.

• Therapy or counseling: A therapist can help parents develop coping mechanisms, manage stress and work through feelings of sadness or guilt related to their child’s growing independence. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is often used to help individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns.
• Online forums and social media groups: Online communities can be a great way to connect with a broader network of parents. Platforms like Facebook and Reddit have dedicated parenting groups where you can share experiences, ask for advice and find a sense of solidarity with people who understand your struggles.
• Community activities: Look for local community center programs, park district events or library workshops. Participating in activities with your child, such as a community art class or a family fun run, can create positive shared experiences and a sense of routine outside the home. Many schools host back-to-school nights, picnics or scavenger hunts. These events are excellent opportunities for parents to meet teachers and other families and become more familiar with the school environment, which can alleviate some of the fear of the unknown.

What exactly is empty nest syndrome, and how common is it among parents?

TQ: Empty nest syndrome refers to the grief, sadness and loneliness that parents may feel when their children leave home. It’s not a clinical diagnosis, but rather a recognized emotional transition that marks a significant life change for parents. While a child leaving home is a normal and healthy part of their development, it can be a difficult and painful experience for parents who have defined themselves by their role as a caregiver. For many parents, raising children has been their central identity for decades. When the children are gone, they may feel a sense of uselessness or question their purpose.

In essence, while the term “empty nest syndrome” captures a very real emotional experience, it’s more accurate to think of the empty nest as a significant life transition that can bring a wide range of emotions. Despite its name, empty nest syndrome is not a universal experience for all parents. Research suggests that while it’s a very real and common emotional response, the popular perception of it being a debilitating condition for every parent may be overblown.

What would you say to a parent who feels guilty or ashamed for struggling with empty nest feelings?

TQ: You’re not alone, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. The feelings you’re experiencing are a completely natural response to a huge life change. It’s a sign of how deeply you love your child and how dedicated you were to your role as a parent.

Many parents feel a mix of pride, sadness and anxiety when a child leaves home. But what often goes unsaid is the feeling of guilt. You might feel like you should be happy and celebrating this new chapter, both for your child and for yourself. You might feel ashamed that you’re grieving a change that is supposed to be a positive milestone. You might even worry that your feelings mean you’re not strong enough or that you’re holding your child back emotionally.

The empty nest is not just a change; it’s a loss. You’re losing a daily presence, a familiar routine and a part of your identity that has likely defined you for years. It’s OK to mourn that. So, instead of pushing these feelings away, try to be kind to yourself. Acknowledge the grief and sit with it for a while. Remember that this period of adjustment is temporary. With time, you will find new routines and new joys, and your relationship with your child will evolve into something new and wonderful.

What message do you want parents to take away about this stage of life and their mental health?

TQ: The main message for parents to take away is this: Your mental health during this transition is just as important as your child’s. The empty nest is not a sign of failure or a weakness; it’s a profound life change, and it’s OK to need time and support to adjust. You’ve spent years pouring your energy into your child’s well-being and development, ensuring they are ready to thrive independently.

Now, you have a crucial and well-deserved opportunity to turn some of that same care and attention back to yourself. Embracing this new stage of life, whether it’s through rediscovering old passions, connecting with your partner or simply allowing yourself to rest, is not selfish. It’s a necessary step toward personal growth and a way to build a new, fulfilling life for yourself. By prioritizing your mental health, you’re not just helping yourself, you’re modeling resilience and self-care for your child, teaching them that a full and happy life can and should continue at every age.