The Educated Patient Podcast: Is “Cut Off“ Culture Making Family Estrangement Worse? One Researcher Thinks So

Family estrangement is having a cultural moment, discussed openly on social media, in therapy and in a growing body of books. Richard L. Blake, M.Sc., Ph.D., author of the upcoming book “Cut Off,“ has built a following, largely on Instagram, around a specific argument: that a meaningful share of parent-child estrangements involve parents who were not abusive, and that therapy culture and social media may be contributing to the trend.

By his own description, Blake’s book is deliberately one-sided. It focuses on parents he believes were unfairly cut off, not on the much larger body of research addressing recovery from documented abuse. We want to be direct with readers: Estrangement is sometimes the right and necessary choice for someone who has experienced real harm. Blake’s perspective addresses a different, narrower population.

Blake trained toward becoming a licensed therapist before choosing not to pursue licensure, citing what he calls the “treatment prevalence paradox,“ the observation that mental illness rates haven’t improved despite expanded access to treatment. That question led him to research breathwork and eventually to found two organizations: the Coalition for Ethical Standards in Mental Health and the For Family Foundation, which supports parents he believes were unfairly estranged.

Blake’s central claim is that some estrangements reflect “normal but imperfect parenting” reframed, through therapy or social media, as abuse. He points to Nick Haslam’s theory of “concept creep,“ the broadening definition of what counts as harm, and to his own experience, saying he was once encouraged by therapists to attribute his depression to childhood trauma he says didn’t occur.

Much of the conversation focused on memory. Blake cited Elizabeth Loftus’s research on false memory implantation, arguing that repeatedly discussing the past in therapy can distort memory rather than recover it accurately.

Some figures Blake cites are worth flagging rather than repeating as fact. His estimate that therapy’s real effectiveness could be as low as 10% to 30% is his own calculation, not a peer-reviewed finding, something he says himself. Heritability estimates he cites for depression and personality disorders fall within ranges found in some studies, but vary considerably by methodology. The statistic that 81% of estrangements eventually end traces to real research, a 2022 Ohio State study led by sociologist Rin Reczek, but Blake cited it imprecisely. The actual finding is split by parent: 81% of estrangements from mothers eventually end, compared with 69% of estrangements from fathers.

For parents recently cut off, Blake advises against pursuing contact after being asked not to, discussing the estrangement publicly, or disputing an adult child’s account of the past, which he says tends to entrench conflict. For reconciliation, he pointed to journaling, citing James Pennebaker’s research, while cautioning that venting anger (yelling, hitting pillows) tends to reinforce it rather than release it.

Asked what he’d tell parents not yet facing estrangement, Blake cited data suggesting fathers are estranged roughly four times more often than mothers, with divorce and remarriage as significant risk factors. He also referenced a meta-analysis finding only a small difference in outcomes between “over-parenting” and “under-parenting,” concluding that genetics and environment play a larger role than many specific parenting choices.