How to Recognize and Support Anxious Kids

Anxiety is a normal and necessary human emotion — especially for children and teens — but many families struggle to recognize when everyday worry becomes something more. In a discussion with The Educated Patient, licensed clinical psychologist Naomi Dambreville, Ph.D., and licensed clinical social worker Anita Solnit, both from Mount Sinai Hospital, explain how parents and caregivers can identify when a child’s anxiety is reaching a level that needs attention and support.

Both experts emphasize the importance of understanding a child’s “baseline.” Every child has their own typical patterns — how they sleep, eat, interact with others, respond to school or react to stress. A key sign of concern is a consistent change from that baseline. For example, a child who usually falls asleep easily may suddenly struggle to sleep for weeks, or a child who typically enjoys school may begin complaining of stomach aches daily to avoid going. Persistent changes in sleep, appetite, social life, mood, motivation or school functioning can signal that a child’s worry has shifted from expected stress to something interfering with daily life.

Dambreville notes that anxiety is another word for fear, and fear is a built-in alarm system designed to keep us safe. Feeling anxious about tests, friendships, transitions or big life changes is expected. But when anxiety becomes excessive, long-lasting or disproportionate to the situation — and affects a child’s ability to function at home, in school, or socially — it may indicate an anxiety disorder. Kids may worry long after a stressful event is over, avoid situations altogether or experience intense physical symptoms like panic.

Both experts stress that anxiety is not “bad” — it becomes a problem only when it interferes with functioning or causes significant distress. Parents should approach anxiety with open communication, curiosity and calm support rather than shame, punishment or immediate “fixes.” Children are biologically wired to seek comfort from adults, so maintaining a trusting connection is crucial.

Solnit and Dambreville encourage families to talk about emotions regularly, not only during crises. Normalizing conversations, such as doing daily check-ins, using feelings charts, or referencing TV shows or books, helps children build emotional vocabulary and resilience. Because anxiety often runs in families, caregivers also benefit from learning their own coping tools and modeling them. When parents manage stress in healthy ways, children learn to do the same.

Ultimately, the experts’ message is empowering: Anxiety is manageable, treatment can help, and families can build coping skills together. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety — but to help children feel capable and brave even when they’re scared.